


Oil Change

by Gnomeskillet



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Adult Humor, Bad Innuendo, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-24 20:45:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10749501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gnomeskillet/pseuds/Gnomeskillet
Summary: Soldier 76 gets a new "classic car," Hana Song calls Zenyatta into the hangar to check it, and its mechanic, out.





	Oil Change

“It’s about  _ time _ you showed up!” Hana huffed, putting her hands on her hips and cocking them to the side as Zenyatta approached, his attention half drawn toward the classic car sitting in the hangar entrance. Soldier 76 had brought it in not long ago, and now stood over the propped-open hood, scowling fiercely at the engine. 

As Zenyatta passed, Soldier glanced up, grunted, then returned his attention to the car, muttering quietly under his breath.

“I only texted you like forever ago, what took so long?” Okay, so it was only ten minutes ago, but it felt like forever, especially since she had something important, something  _ mission critical _ to show him, and she didn’t want him to miss it.

“My sincerest apologies,” Zenyatta replied, a slight lilt to his voice indicating that he wasn’t even remotely sorry for dwaddling. “I was on the other side of the base when I received your message, and regrettably, my maximum movement speed is not nearly as swift as yours or Lena’s.”

He paused, tilting his head to the side thoughtfully. “Although, perhaps when I next return to Nepal for maintenance, I will consider having a speed module installed.”

“You can do that?” Hana asked, her eyes lighting up. 

“Of course I can. I am a machine, after all,” he chuckled, curling a fist in front of his chin, then he shrugged. “But I probably won’t.”

“Boo, boring!”

He shrugged again, still chuckling to himself, then he folded his hands in front of himself and tilted his head, radiating a smile. “What was it that you needed, Hana? Your message indicated it was a matter of some urgency."  


“Oh yeah, that.” She waved him over to where she was sitting in front of her Meka, the holographic projector turned on and playing a game. “Come over here, and act casual!”

With a small huff of amusement, Zenyatta walked over and settled next to her, hovering a couple inches off the ground. She would have preferred it if he was on the ground, since this made things a little awkward, but whatever, it was Zenyatta. Floating smugly was kind of what he did.

“Okay, so you already noticed Soldier’s “new” car,” she explained, passing up a controller, then restarting the game, configuring it to two player cooperative play. “But what I need you to do right now is look through the screen at Soldier’s feet. Remember, don’t make it obvious that you’re looking!”

If he looked, Hana actually couldn’t tell, since he didn’t more his head, and he didn’t really have eyes, but after a moment, he let out a quiet “ah” of understanding.

Near Soldier’s feet, Junkrat’s leg and peg stuck out from beneath the car, his booted foot wiggling back and forth restlessly as he worked.

“Well, he is a mechanic,” Zenyatta observed dismissively, shrugging his shoulders and focusing on the game in front of him.

“Don’t feign disinterest at me, Mister!” Hana huffed, giving him a little shove with her shoulder. “You’re not fooling anyone, you know.”

He hummed noncommittally and Hana huffed again, rolling her eyes. “Anyway, you took too long and missed the good stuff. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about. Have I ever lead you astray?”

“I seem to recall following you into battle on numerous occasions, only to be left alone and surrounded by enemy agents.”

“Okay, first of all? That was your own fault, I never told you to follow me anywhere.” She shot him a dirty look, and to his credit, Zenyatta looked a little sheepish, hunching his shoulders and tilting his head up toward the ceiling.

“Secondly, the blind spot on this baby is like, ginormous, okay?” She reached back with one hand, patting the front bumper of her beloved Meka. “If you’re behind me, I can’t see you, so I have no way of knowing if you need my help or not. I know we make fun of Genji for always yelling “I need healing,” but communication is way important on the battlefield. You need to tell me if you’re in trouble, and I’ll always come get you.”

“Yes, Hana.” Zenyatta murmured, ducking his head and sounding honestly contrite, so Hana gave him a smile and a gentle nudge with her shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay. I know you’re used to fighting your battles with words and all that, don’t worry. Just keep it in mind in the future, okay?”

He nodded quietly, so Hana continued on. “Anyway, you might as well stick around. You’re not doing anything, are you? He’s going to come out eventually, then you’ll see what I mean.”

“We are in the middle of a game. I would be remiss if I left my best girl hanging.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about!”

They settled into playing video games, and Hana lost focus on everything else but the screen in front her and the controller in her hand. Zenyatta was surprisingly good at video games for someone who didn’t play them much, but she guessed that it came from being a robot. During her e-sports days, that might have bothered her, but now, it made him an ideal partner, and even if he didn’t exactly shit talk, Zenyatta could still talk trash with the best of him. 

It was a lot of fun, and she almost forgot why they were playing video games on her Meka on the floor of the hangar, until she distantly heard Junkrat say “okay, that should do ‘er,” a scrape of wheels, and then an error noise from beside her. As Zenyatta clattered to the ground, Hana glanced at him, then through the screen.

Sure enough, there was Junkrat, sitting up on that rolley scooter thing mechanics use, one arm braced against the bumper of Soldier’s car. He was absolutely  _ covered _ in grease and oil. Not like his usual stained fingers kind of covered, but like actually covered. The gunk covered his arms nearly up to his shoulders, and it was smeared across his bare chest. There were splatters of it on his face, and it looked like he had wiped it across his forehead before pushing his goggles up. In fact, the circles of skin around his eyes where the goggles had sat were probably the cleanest part of him, right now.

Junkrat was absolutely  _ filthy _ , and Hana smirked at Zenyatta as she watched the lights on his forehead flicker back on. Then his frame tensed as his systems came online like a gasp, and after a moment, he turned to look at her.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, embarrassment and confusion radiating off him in waves. “I seem to have suddenly rebooted. I hope that did not cause us to fail the level."

“Hell yeah, you did!” Hana laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. “Told you it was worth it, didn’t I? I know what you like!”

Zenyatta glanced back at Junkrat, one hand coming up to rub the back of his head as he hunched his shoulders. “He’s ah…. He’s quite the mess, isn’t he?”

“He’s so  _ gross, _ ” she agreed enthusiastically, cackling to herself. She didn’t get the appeal herself, but she didn’t have to; seeing Zenyatta flustered was totally worth it.

They both looked up as Soldier’s car spluttered, complained, then grumbled to life, the engine reluctantly turning over. Beside it, Junkrat stood with his hands on his hips, nodding in satisfaction to himself. 

“Yeah, I figured an oil change would do it,” he drawled, giving the side of the car a fond little pat. “I wouldn’t wanna start neither if I had all that gunk sittin’ in me pipes for fuck knows who long.”

“It’s from 2017, so about 60 years,” Soldier replied, cutting the engine and getting out of the driver’s seat.

While the pair by the car continued their conversation, Zenyatta whispered breathlessly, as if he was talking solely to himself and forgot she was there, “ _ I _ wouldn’t mind getting an oil change…”

“Oh wouldn’t you?” Hana’s grin went Cheshire at the words, and instantly, Zenyatta realized the magnitude of the mistake he just made.

“Hana, no!” he pleaded, grabbing her arm as she stood, but it was in vain. There was no stopping her. She was on a mission.

“Hey, Jamie!” she called out, cupping her hands over her mouth. “When you’re done with Soldier’s car, Zenyatta says he could use an oil change too!”

“Oh no…” Zenyatta whimpered, dropping his head into his hands as Soldier choked on his own spit and went into a coughing fit. Hana would swear she the words “slurp slurp skeet skeet,” in there, so she wasn’t too worried about him, but  _ damn _ , was he old. At least he was picking up what she was putting down, unlike Junkrat, who scrunched up his face in confusion as he looked between Soldier and Zenyatta.

“Never heard of an Omnic needin’ an oil change, mate, how’s that even work?”

“I dunno, but I’m sure Zenyatta would be happy to walk you through it!” she chirped, throwing him a  cheeky wink. Zenyatta made a noise that could have been a sob, shaking his head with it still in his hands. She reached over to pat him reassuringly, lowering her voice. “Don’t worry, I got this.”

“I am rejuvenated by your reassurance,” he sighed, not sounding even remotely rejuvenated at all. In fact, he sounded embarrassed and betrayed.

“Ehn… if Zenyatta knows how to it, why doesn’t he just take care of it himself?” Junkrat asked, scratching the side of his nose as he eyed the Omnic.

“Well, you know what they say,” Soldier spoke up, clearing his throat as he recovered from his coughing fit and leaned against the car, draping one arm over the roof. “Everything’s better with two sets of hands.”


End file.
